Seems too Tough

16 Sep

My last post was about friendships.  I have not been able to overcome all what has happened and it seems to be getting worse.   I guess, I must just live my life and try to make the best of things.  I feel a bit alone because of the friend situation.  I know that I have good friends but they are married and live in different cities.  We are all so busy that I don’t get the time with them that apparently, I need.

When someone purposely hurts you, it feels awkward…like knowing you are looking at an adult and really dealing with a child.  I have to really evaluate what it is that I want out of life.   These friends are negative.  Is the drama here because I am trying to better my life that these things are happening or am I causing them?  I have to be strong either way.  If I am causing the problems, I need to be strong enough to admit it and change.  If I am the target of immaturity, I need to focus on the positive people in my life, let go of past friendships and move on even though it is tough.

Thanks for listening.  Smiles, Jane

Aside

Friendships.  …

9 Sep

Friendships.  Social life.  Dating.  When I was a child, even into my teen and young adult years, I never would have guessed that the friendships of women can be so complicated.   I feel like I am surrounded by Middle School students sometimes with the way people act. 

I had a friend in high school who was nice to me but apparently was not nice to some of my friends..we will just call her Lisa.  I did not know this because my friends never told me.  They were not the gossipy types…and neither was I….we just lived our lives and had fun.   I lost touch with Lisa and just recently came into contact with her.   Next thing you know, she recently made friends with two of my friends that I had been keeping up with.   The other night, we had a small gathering, just to socialize, chat and have fun.  The evening turned out to be very awkward.  My friends that normally talk to me were distant and cold.  Then, when we were all talking in a big circle they did some things that made it seem like they were making jokes without using names.. like referred to people who tan as orange and pathetic.  Well, I tan.  That is just one example.   

Long story short, I am on the outs with these friends.  This is the second time this has happened with Lisa.   I told one of my friends who was not there that evening that I was struggling with this person and I told her exactly what I printed here.  I did not want to gossip, but I just did not know how to handle it.   This is when she told me that she was treated terribly by LIsa in school.   Apparently, Lisa would sit next to this person in band and talk about her right while she was sitting there.  

It is unbelievable how some people behave and we all act foolish sometimes.   I hope that I conquer this area of building and maintaining good, healthy relationships.

Thanks for reading.  Smiles, Jane

One Conquer After Another

3 Sep

The more fears I face, no matter how small, give me confidence to face more.  It sounds silly, but I was afraid to start sorting the garage.  It seemed overwhelming.  I had my “I must conquer this” attitude and started in one small corner and completed 1/8th of the garage!  

Now, on to more. : ) Thanks for reading.  Smiles, Jane

 

Conquer Myself

1 Sep

I went through a divorce that left me without a house but my name still on the loan.  I learned  how to solve this problem after it was too late.  In the moment, I was so overwhelmed with the divorce and with trying to keep going, that I did not take those steps.  My ex let the house go into foreclosure which ended up on my credit report too.  After foreclosure, it takes three years before you will be able to buy again.   I looked anyway.

I was persistent and determined.   I was getting discouraged because I was looking at  3 to 4 bedroom home with 2 or 3 bathrooms.  When I looked in my price range,  I found a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom home. I felt sad and discouraged.   I could have afforded more fifteen years ago!  Oh well, I decided it is better to live and settle here in a small home than to rent.   We will see if my offer is accepted on Tuesday.

Determined to conquer my disappointments, fears and resentment, I started to research because  we are downsizing. I need to learn how to live in a 1,000 square foot home instead of a 2,300 square foot home.

I am going to do the following:

Go through all clothes and furniture and decide which ones I do not need.

Contact my friend who is a carpenter and ask him to look out for things that  I need. (new kitchen countertops, tub and shower shell and other things.)

Clean the new house thoroughly before I move in.   I do not want dirt, other people’s belongings or anything else unpleasant to be there when the boys and I move our belongings in. That much is obvious, but I want to make sure it is beautiful before we move our things there.  I will not rush.  If it means paying an extra month or two of rent, then I will do that.  It is worth it.

Have my girl friends go through the house before I move in to see if they notice any simple ways to use the space to the best way possible.

Use as little free standing furniture as possible.

Go with a modern look. (I usually like rich colors and “antique” but well kept things, but in this house it will look like the entire place is old.   If I go more modern, it might wake up everything and give it the illusion of more space.)

View this as an opportunity.  If I take great care in how I decorate and in how I use the space, in three years I can turn the place around for a profit.   If I am happy in that neighborhood, then I can always add on.

Along the way, I will take pictures so you can see what I am doing. : )

I have so much to do but I am not going to let it stop me.  Usually, I am overwhelmed by work, children, home, second job, but I am not going to get discouraged.  I am just going to keep doing one thing at a time until I find I am conquering myself and living a more orderly life again.

Thanks for reading everyone.  Smiles, Jane

Aside

It is that time…

29 Aug

It is that time of year again!   Time to get all the supplies my kids need for school.   A change was needed in my Fall routine.  It went something like this:  Go to the school website, get the supply list needed for each grade my children are in, go buy exactly what is on the list,  nine weeks later go buy materials that really are suited to my children’s organizational needs.   This year, I save time and money by setting up an organizational system that will work for my children at the start of the year instead of trying to make my children follow someone else’s organizational preferences.   Before I started this quest of conquering myself, I would repeat this mistake to avoid a possible conflict.  Now, I think it is silly to be worried about following exactly what is on the list when A.  The materials are not what my child needs to stay organized and  B.  It is my money to spend the way I think is best for my child. 

These are just a few examples of things I won’t buy. I won’t buy 3 ring binders unless it is for a specific project.  They do not fit into back packs well and they break easily.   I will not buy plastic folders for my kids.  The papers slip around too much and slip out of the folder.  I won’t buy four pens of different colors for editing purposes because a one multi-colored pen is better for my kids.  I won’t make my kids use the student planners.  I found a great calendar that has the month laid out with enough  space in each square to write down assignments.  The student planners are way overdone for my kids.  Simple, clean and clear planners are what my kids need.  They also need just one homework folder instead of six. : )  

Thanks for reading. Smiles, Jane : )

Hello world!

27 Aug

Welcome Readers!  There was a point in my life when I thought “bloggers” were silly in one sense.  Why not just keep a personal journal or use a social network to share your thoughts?  Fast forward to the present and here I am blogging.   It comes down to this:  I want to share my journey.  My successes, my failures, my frustrations, my joys, my challenges, my victories are all important to me and I would like to think they are leading somewhere.  There is only one true mission I am focused on in this blog and it comes down to a quote by Buddha.   I am not a Buddhist and this is not about religion.  It is about understanding a way of living; a way of thinking that makes sense to me.

It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
Buddha

I have noticed a lot of people have such harsh words for others and at times I find myself the target, just like many others I am sure.  However, when I think about this quote, I cannot blame, I cannot be a victim and I cannot be helpless.   There are things in my life that I could have control over that I do not presently.   If I focus on those, words and actions by others mean less than my journey.

I do not know a lot about blogging, but I hope that as I develop this page, others will be able to post and share.   I am a mom who wants to conquer herself and I am sharing that journey in hopes that others will be encouraged, entertained or inspired to make a change for the better in one way or another in their own lives.  I also hope to feel encouraged and be entertained and inspired with your thoughts and stories.   Smiles, Jane

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